Recently, the United States Census Bureau reported surprising and, for many, disheartening data.

For the first time since the late 1990s, the wage gap between men and women increased for the second straight year. In 2024, full-time working women earned 81 cents for every dollar made by full-time working men. That figure was down from 83 cents in 2023 and 84 cents in 2022.

Over the same period, the percentage of women participating in the workforce increased from 56.8 percent in 2022 to 57.5 percent in 2024. In addition, The Insurance Information Institute published a report last spring showing a great disparity for women leadership in the insurance industry. While women account for 59.4% of the insurance workforce, less than 22% of workers in the C-suite and less than 7% of CEOs are women. It seems that while women’s presence and impact in the workplace continue to grow, there remain obstacles to overcome and progress to be made.

In my career, I have certainly witnessed areas of progress for women in the insurance industry, including captive insurance and in insurance consulting. Women have carved out positions for themselves in boards and leadership across the industry.

But I’ve also seen obstacles, most of which working women are very familiar, from issues like underrepresentation to stubborn and seemingly unbreakable glass ceilings. Personally, I have also experienced unexpected and awkward challenges with regards to societal expectations and perceptions women face as a family’s sole breadwinner. 

Certainly, while this challenge may not be as common or as commonly understood as issues facing women leaders in insurance, it is not novel. Some women professionals in the captive insurance industry may certainly face this issue but as women continue to grow their presence in captives, many more undoubtedly will.

I am the financial provider for our family. My husband is a stay-at-home dad and manages all of the critical, important roles and responsibilities of taking care of a household and a young family of six. 

This was not our initial arrangement. But the logistics of my husband’s job—mostly long and irregular hours and a difficult commute—made the decision relatively easy. Weighing all factors (and notably the cost of daycare for four children under eight), we made this formerly unusual, but increasingly common, change.

Our arrangement has worked very well. There are challenges, of course, but my husband and I have found the transition fairly easy and natural. For others, however, there seems to be persistent misunderstandings about why and how our arrangement works. These are not structural or professional barriers that are limitations placed on my career and development. Rather these seem to be personal, societal verdicts on a working mom and a stay-at-home dad. They underscore, that whatever the choice that women make, they still face preconceptions and judgments that other families often don’t face.

After finding out I am a working mom, for example, people will sometimes ask if I have FOMO, or “fear of missing out” on my children growing up. This is a hard question for me to get and to process. Admittedly, I have felt regret when work responsibilities cause me to miss one of my children’s games or events.

But working men are not usually asked the same question. Yet, generations of dads undoubtedly faced similar working circumstances, and their choice to work away from the home. Ultimately, perhaps, as more families choose similar arrangements, biases and preconceptions about women making the choice to work away from the home will change. For now, it reflects an unfortunate, and difficult-to-hear double standard.

My husband faces double standards as well. He is often asked if it is strange to be at home and to spend time at school, or parks with stay-at-home moms. This is something that of course, would not be asked of a woman. And while he very capably manages the household, some call what he does as “watching the kids,” or “babysitting.” When in reality, he is providing essential care, as any stay-at-home mom would, to ensure the health and safety of our children.

My husband’s presence is disregarded when schools or other organizations need to interact with our family as well. He is listed as the first contact on all our kids’ school and medical forms. Yet, whenever a school or healthcare provider or other organization needs to contact my family, I receive the call.  

In the U.S., very often the mother of a family is considered the main caregiver and serves as the default parental presence, regardless of who actually manages the household.

These are all subtle issues, perhaps even falling under the category of microaggressions. But although these are not structural or traditional issues, they have real-world and frustrating implications for women in the workplace. It remains part of our struggle against ingrained biases in the society.

While subtle, for women professionals and leaders these issues and biases are norms that can be corrosive. It is certainly conceivable that no matter a level of success, some doubt may seep into our work lives. It is a choice that seems we cannot win. If women work, they may be seen as not present. If they choose not to work and contribute to the management of the home they can be seen as not contributing financially to the family. Irrespective of the gains that working women make, they seem subject to a judgment.

Again, these challenges may, over time, become less acute as men assume more responsibilities at home and women solidify their economic and professional gains.  

But a current lesson for women in the captive insurance industry or in any industry may be to carve out family roles and responsibilities as you need them. It is very important that working women create a work life that works best on one’s own terms.

Like the innovation and flexibility of the captive insurance industry, success for women and their family isn’t one-size-fits-all. Women leaders shouldn’t make choices on outdated expectations, but what solves problems and what works best for their family.

(published in Influential Women in Captives by Captive International)